Ask B2
Because B2 is indeed all about the love, because B2 is synonymous with warmth, compassion, and empathy, and because B2 is the epitome of common sense in a world gone mad, it is time to answer a few questions recently submitted about Sarah Palin by confused but nevertheless adoring B2 fans. Read along with B2, won't you, as he soothes and enlightens troubled souls ...
Q. Dear Ask B2,
My friend told me that the only reason John McCain chose Sarah Palin as his running mate was because she is a woman. I didn't think so but my friend wouldn't listen to me. Is this true?
Sincerely,
Clyde Hopper
Yates County, NY
A. Dear Clyde,
Listen up, Goober -- Palin was chosen because: 1) She's pro-life, pro-gun, pro-drilling and pro-tax cuts; 2) She's a true Conservative; 3) She successfully fought against public corruption; and 4) She is not Joe Biden.
Quit sniveling and grow a pair. You sicken me,
B2
Q. Dear Ask B2,
You're just another conservative hack who misses Reagan and oh BTW, The B2 Journal sucks. The media rightly denounced Palin as inexperienced and everyone knows it's true. Besides, there are other women out there with far more experience. Get a life, loser, and be careful you don't get an IRS audit.
I hate you and her,
Millery Clanton
Chappaqua, NY
A. Dear Millery,
There may be a few other women with more experience than Sarah Palin. However, none of them is a true grassroots American success story, electrifies their voting base, or can identify with Middle America -- and just to spell it out for an arrogant, angry, condescending twit like you, that means the people who make America work. And no presidential or vice-presidential candidate this year, including Senator McCain, has as much executive experience as does Sarah. Bonus: She's not Joe Biden.
Shut your pie hole and lose the stretch-waist pantsuit,
B2
Q. Dear Ask B2,
The media is attacking Sarah Palin's pregnant daughter as if she was a Taliban terrorist -- what did she do wrong? Also, I read where Governor Palin's baby boy is also her daughter's secret love child. Have you heard about this?
Confused and sitting on the fence,
Shirley Ujeste
Okeechobee County, FL
A. Dear Shirley,
The media believes that, for integrity's sake, "ethical" journalists should emotionally assault, rape, and bludgeon a 17-year-old girl who is already facing enough challenges in her young life. It is their duty to drag her through the mud, even though Chelsea Clinton and alGore's son were considered off-limits and given free passes, and Sarah's innocent daughter is in no way running for office. Yes, I heard about Sarah's secret love child, and also heard that she worships the Devil, tortures kittens, and pulls the wings off flies -- but thank God she's not Joe Biden.
Sit on this, hairball,
B2
Q. Dear Ask B2,
I demand to know why she wanted to get her ex-brother-in-law removed as a state trooper. This is clearly another example of Republican abuse of power. D*** you, you dirty m***** f*****, you better have a good answer!
Outraged and not gonna take it,
Gene D. Formity
Columbine, CO
A. Dear Gene,
Gee ... I dunno ... it may have something to do with him repeatedly beating his ex-wife and using a Taser on his 10-year-old step-son. Or maybe it's because in 2005 disgraced ex-Trooper Wooten was suspended from duty for shooting a moose illegally. Or maybe it's because the man in charge of disciplining Wooten didn't, was demoted, and is now whining to the media about Governor Palin's "interference" -- even though in Alaska the State Troopers work for the Governor's Office. What DO I know? She's not Joe Biden.
Put down the crack pipe and put your hands in the air where I can see them,
B2
Q. Dear Ask B2,
If National Organization for Women (NOW) and Democrat women are angry at the way Hillary Clinton was treated, why aren't they hysterically outraged over this unfair pounding that Sarah Palin is getting from the Democrat Party, Washington Elite, and the Mainstream Media?
Thanks,
Wondering Woman
University of California, Berkeley
A. Dear Wondering,
In the same manner that radical American feminists and the NOW thugs have totally ignored how Muslim women are treated, they are showing us again their true colors. Sarah Palin has committed the cardinal (and really the only) feminist sin: She's Pro-Choice and she chooses life. Every other issue is merely window dressing -- they actually consider Sarah to be a man (seriously). Also, she is a principled conservative, believes in America and the American family, and she is not Joe Biden.
Cal Berkeley? Can't be! You are too rational for Berkeley, you lying skank,
B2
The B2 Journal hopes this excursion into B2's sensitive, cuddly side was as cathartic for you as it was for him.