There's no place like gnome
In the movie comedy The Full Monty, an out-of-work group of friends steal a garden gnome out of the yard of their former boss, then use it to torment him while he is involved in a job interview.
I remember an Internet site years ago where some enterprising schmuck would travel around the world with one of those little garden gnomes. He would place the gnome in some unusual setting at some famous landmark, take a photo, then chronicle his work on the Web site.
Recently, a major travel accommodation company has been blitzing the air waves and Internet bandwidth with commercials featuring a pompous gnome, guaranteeing the best travel at the most affordable rates intermixed with a mind-boggling array of gnome mishaps and pratfalls. I suppose there's some connection - the original gnome guy probably sold out to the corporation - but why the gnome? Are they accomplished world travelers? I think not.
So I was reading the local fish wrapper yesterday when I spotted an article in the Offbeat Section about gnomes. It seems that in May, Elsie Schnorr of Greeley, Colorado, had several of her garden gnomes stolen from her yard. To add insult to injury, the robber came back a few nights later and stole the remaining gnomes, absconding with a total of 30 altogether. Why gnomes?
The following weekend, children playing behind an apartment complex found a black bag containing 80 of the gnomes. The Greeley police are setting up appointments so that the owners can identify and claim their precious garden denizens. Why gnomes?
Why indeed. Perhaps this gnome love affair is just another of those mysteries that will never be answered. But honestly, Elsie Schnorr should take steps to improve her ... wait for it ... wait for it ... gnomeland security.