That new vehicle smell
In the wee small hours this morning, I received an email from Larry the 'Puter Guy. Larry is the able builder of my computer-type machines and perpetual buster of my personal-type gonads.
Seems old 'Puter drove by my house yesterday and noticed a brand, spanking new truck in the drive. Seeing yet another opportunity to yank my chain, he immediately pounced like a starving, one-eared tomcat on a barn mouse. "According to your last email, you joked that your daughter's upcoming outdoor wedding in the Florida summer heat was payback for you not buying her a brand-new vehicle when she was young" he typed with what I am sure was a smug little smirk on his computer-building puss. "And," he added, the sarcasm oozing out of my flat-screen monitor, "You said 'Hell, I've never owned a new vehicle in my life!' So what's the deal, Hmm?" Well. I was shocked, dismayed, horrified, and dare I say revolted that one of my friends would even consider ragging on sweet, lovable, innocent, inoffensive me, but ...
It was time, price was right
Mea Culpa. God forbid that after nearly 40 years of "legal" driving and ownership of a few dozen (perhaps more) vehicles, Ol' B2 actually purchased new transport! Not a demo, not a used car, not a junker fix-em-up, not a parts bank, but a new By God truck.
Absolutely necessary? No. Reasons? Many. Since I grew out of my "fast car, let's do it" youth and take-it-to-the-max driving style, I've kept my vehicles impeccably maintained and held on to them. No matter what other type vehicles I owned, I have always had a truck to haul stuff (it's that practical Upstate clodhopper thing). Since Hurricane Frances took my 12-year-old, choice little Dodge truck away and I'm getting on toward retirement, I figured that with today's fuel price trends this would be a great opportunity to find a gas-guzzling truck deal and to do so while I had steady income during my few remaining years of work income.
Plus, my wonderful and immaculate 1999 Chevy Suburban was losing its resale value. I am also a denizen of the nation's interstate system and spend a great deal of my professional and personal driving time on very long road trips. I want comfort, room for stuff, and a great big hunk of iron wrapped around me.
Dealers wanted to move inventory
The Green Monster was fast approaching the heavy-dollar maintenance phase and I started to take a look at what I needed to sink into the beast. Wouldn't want to lose a tranny on the way to Keuka Lake, eh Randy? So, I researched for two months and compared personal use requirements, price, and value for Ford, GM, Chrysler, Toyota, Mitsubishi, and Nissan trucks. I then factored in my own personal service history at our local Ford, Chevy, and Dodge dealers. The winner? Dodge, hands down. It was no contest.
With rebates and an extremely favorable trade-in for my beautiful Suburban, I got:
- A tricked-out Ram 1500 Quad Cab (for those alleged annual kids-grandkids visits);
- 4X4 for the excruciatingly tough, demanding, three-percent grades of Florida;
- A 5.7 litre HEMI that I didn't want (they had no non-hemispherical CC Magnums in the truck style I wanted);
- 20-inch wheel, suspension, and towing package;
- Seven-year/70,000-mile bumper-to-bumper warranty ($100 deductible after three years);
- Free tires for as long as I own the vehicle (I kid you not, but only through my local dealer); and
- Better mileage than the Green Monster, but hey, so does a J Series John Deere front-end loader.
Total out-of pocket cost for B2? About the same as my annual Scotch tab back in the bad old days. In other words, a steal. The dealer even knocked off $250 when I told him that I didn't want the wimpy stock bed liner. He then proceeded to tell me that I could keep the bed liner if I wanted it ... which of course I jumped on faster than winemaster Dana on a grape. Think truck sales are down nationally? You bet.
I will of course maintain this truck as I did all my others, and barring hurricanes or similar mishaps, will keep this for the next 15-20 years as I planned to do with my old, destroyed Dodge. Properly tended, it should outlast me. I'll miss the old Green Monster, but these toys are nothing more than transportation after all. By the way, want to know what a HEMI is? Then check out this easy-to-follow article.
The Dodge stands so tall I have to work on getting my sorry old bones in and out of the damned thing! But what the Hell, life is good (as opposed to the alternative), and what they say is true: There is nothing quite like the smell of a brand-new vehicle.