Political systems deciphered
From time to time, ol' B2 receives email from people who are violently, retchingly, commode-huggingly opposed to my political and societal points of view. I have noticed that, aside from providing me with belly laughs, some of my agitated correspondents are confused about political systems and how they should be properly applied in rational discourse. In that regard, I am posting an oldie but goodie guide to political systems so that the uninformed (you know who you are) won't appear so pathetic when attempting to vilify me:
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
LIBERALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
LIBERAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
CONSERVATIVE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one for profit and buy a bull.
LIBERTARIANISM-ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.