First, walk in another's moccasins
Did you ever have a friend or relative lecture you about how to live, what you should do to make your life better, or what steps you should take to do as they do? This happened to me recently, and from someone whose total life experiences are extremely different from and somewhat tamer than my own.
Now I know these folks mean well and are looking out for our best interests, but seriously, I really wish they would take the time to think things through before uttering such thoughts. I learned a long time ago that lifestyle advice is something best offered when asked for, and such judgments based upon what you have been through may not apply to someone who has a greater depth of experience, especially when many of those additional experiences have negatively-focused roots.
This trait employed by caring friends is empathy, and it is an integral part of all decent people. What can deepen our tolerance for others more than empathy? You know, that ability to get inside peoples' feelings and world, see others' points of view and have a care for them or their situation, all without being required to agree. When we have empathy, we find what is plausible, sensible, or meaningful in the ideas and actions of others and our understanding improves immensely.
We are different
But this can only be properly carried off if we pause a moment and think about all we know of the individual. Whether we wish to admit it or not, each of us, to some degree or another, are creatures of our past. So many factors differentiate us from one another, and yet well-meaning friends rarely apply this parallax view as a foundation for their advice.
There is an old American Indian prayer (leastwise that is what we were told as children — sounded good and it fit) that gets at the solution to this common problem: "Oh Great Spirit, grant me the wisdom to walk in another's moccasins before I criticize or pass judgment." Learning to walk in the moccasins of your friend or mate is at the heart of a healthy relationship. Psychologists call it empathy, the rare capacity to put ourselves into another's shoes and accurately see life from his or her perspective.
So let me say this to all of my wonderful friends. I love you all; I always will because over time you earned my respect and absolute trust. If you see me seriously harming myself, you should pop off in an instant (being a Buffalo Bills fan doesn't count). But when it comes to mere degrees of happiness, it would probably be a good idea if you cleaned up your own act a little before passing judgment.